Q. do you want to hear a joke about a pencil?
A. too bad,its pointless!
Q. What do you call a lady with two toilets on her head?
A. Loo Loo
Q. Have you heard the joke about the roof?
A. Never mind it will go right over your head!
Q. How do penguins put their homes together?
A. With I-gloo!
Q. Should i tell you thee story about the wall?
A. Na because you wont get over it
Q. Why are cars no go at football?
A. Because they only have one boot?
Q. Why did granny put wheels on her rocking chair?
A. Because she liked to 'Rock and Roll'
Q. why did the chewing gum cross the road ?
A. because it was stuck to the chickens foot !
Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of shorts?
A. Incase he got a hole in one
Q. Q.Why did the bubble gum cross the road?
A. Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
Q. Why did the hand cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop!
Q. how do headlice email another hedlice!
A. over the internit
Q. Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?
A. Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Q. what animal needs oil
A. a mouse becase it squkes
Q. how do u make a sausage roll
A. you push it down a hill
Q. I bought some velcro yesterday.
A. It was a rip off
Q. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A. Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Q. What is pink, green, red, yellow and white?
A. Sid & Lizzie!
Q. What do fairys do after school?
A. Gnome work
Q. Would you rember me in a day,(yes) Would you rember me in a month(yes) will you rember me in a year (yes, just get on with it) knock,knock(who's there)
A. You've forgotten me already !!!!!!!
Q. What Did The Traffic Light Say To The One In Front Of Him?
A. Don't Look At Me, I'm Changing!
Q. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A. A wonkey donkey
Q. Whats brown and sticky?
A. A stick
Q. What do u cross with a hedgehog and a giraffe?
A. 10 foot tooth brush
Q. why was six afraid of seven
A. cause seven eight nine
Q. why is the mushroom always invited to parties
A. because he is a fungi
Q. what do you call a train filled with toffee
A. a chew chew
Q. What do you call a duck that owes money?
A. Bill
Q. Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A. Because it wanted to get to the other slide!
Q. Why couldn't the car go into the puddle?
A. Because it only had 1 boot!
Q. Why are Pirates called Pirates?
A. Because they Arrrr!
Q. Q. Why cant cars play football?
A. A. Because they only have one boot!
Q. Why did the maths teacher take a rurler to bed?
A. Because he wanted to see how long he slept
Q. why did the teddy bear stop eating?
A. because he was stuffed!
Q. Two elephants fall off a cliff...
A. Boom Boom.
Q. whats black and white and red in the middle
A. zebra with nappy rash
Q. Why cant Lego move?
A. Because you built it
Q. What goes thump thump thump squish, thump thump thump squish?
A. An elephant with a wet shoe!
Q. why did the cow cross the road
A. to go to the moooooovies
Q. should i tell you the stroy about the wall
A. no because you wont get over it
Q. Why did the banana go to the doctors?
A. Because he wasn't peeling very well
Q. what is a fortune tellers favourite tree
A. a palm tree
Q. what do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A. A hot,cross,bunnie!
Q. Q.what do you call a stick that does not come back
A. A. a boomerang
Q. What do you call a lizard that sings?
A. A rap-tile
Q. where do bees keep there money?
A. in a honey box!
Q. How do farmers count their cows?
A. With a cowculater
Q. What did the grape say when the elaphant sat on him?
A. Nothing. He just wined a little!
Q. What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A. A pat on the head
Q. why did the seagull cross the road
A. to get to the other side of course!
Q. what vegetable should you never take aboard a ship?
A. A Leek!
Q. why did the gorilla log on to the internet
A. to check his chimpanzee-mail
Q. what can you serve but not eat Sid
A. A tennis ball
Q. why was the brush late for breakfast
A. because he over swept
Q. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A. A walk!
Q. whats black and white and read all over?
A. a newspaper
Q. What did the elf use to make him taller?
A. Elf raising flour
Q. What's black white and read all over?
A. A newspaper!
Q. Why is cinderella no go at football?
A. Because her coach is a pumkin
Q. What did the sea say to the fish?
A. Nothing it just waved!
Q. What stays in the corner and goes all around the world?
A. A stamp
Q. How do farmers count their cows?
A. With a cowculater
Q. Why did the toilet roll go down the hill?
A. Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Q. what did the porcupine say to the cactus
A. mummy
Q. were does a cow go on a saturday
A. to the moovies
Q. Why does a golfer where two pairs of trousers?
A. In case he gets a hole in one!
Q. whats a frogs favourite drink
A. crokacola
Q. Why was the sand wet?
A. Because the sea weed
Q. Two monkeys in a bath. One monkey says 'ohh ohh hah hah'
A. The other monkey says, 'Put some cold water in then'
Q. What happpend to a man who slept with his head under a pillow?
A. In the morning he found out that all fairies had taken his teeth out!
Q. What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
A. Humphrey!
Q. What do hens call Buckingham Palace?
A. Buck Buck Buckingham Palace
Q. Where do the sheep go to get their haircut?
A. The baaaarbers
Q. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A. Can you smell carrotts!
Q. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
A. Do-you-think-he-saw-us
Q. Knock Knock... whose there? art... art who?
A. Bless you!
Q. What fish goes well with ice-cream?
A. Jellyfish
Q. What kind of fish do penguins catch at night?
A. Starfish!
Q. What do you call a monkey with three legs?
A. Wonkey Monkey
Q. Why do cows wear bells?
A. Because there horns dont work
Q. What does a police man say to his stomach?
A. Your under a vest!
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side
Q. What do you call a man with a Seagull on his head?
A. Clif!
Q. What happend to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A. He had to give it back
Q. Why did the bananna go to the docters?
A. Because he wasant peeling very well
Q. why are pirates called pirates
A. because they areeee
Q. What fish goes well with icecream?
A. Jellyfish!
Q. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
A. Do-you-think-he-saw-us
Q. How does good king wensles like his pizza.
A. deep and crisp and even.
Q. Why did captain hook cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop!
Q. There were two packets of crisps going to a shop. A man said, 'do u want a lift?'
A. The crisps replied... 'no thanks we are walkers' ha ha ha!
Q. Q.why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
A. A.Because they dont want to be called bagels!
Q. Why couldn't the girl go straight home from school?
A. Because she lived round the corner!
Q. What go's ha, ha, ha... bonk?
A. A man laughing his head off!
Q. What do you call a sheep without legs?
A. A cloud!
Q. Whats a cows favourite song?
A. I like the way you MOOOOO
Q. What did the policeman say to his belly?
A. A you're under a vest
Q. What did the alien say to the petrol pump?
A. Take your finger out your nose when I am talking to you!
Q. what did the paint brush say to the art teacher
A. good artanoon
Q. what do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. no-eye-deer!
Q. Q.what do you get hanging from banana trees
A. A.sore arms!
Q. What do you call two burglars?
A. A pair of nickers
Q. Q:Where do princesses go to dance ?
A. A:The knight club of course
Q. What do you get when you cross a hedgehog and a giraffe?
A. A toothbrush
Q. what did one sauce say to the other sauce
A. you go ahead and i'll ketchup
Q. What goes oom oom?
A. A cow going backwards!
Q. what happens if you put boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A. hot crost bunnies!
Q. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A. Because he was stuck to the leg of a chicken
Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. To get to his flatmate